Momma in one of her good moments on Christmas Day in 2013. She had Alzheimer's disease at the time.

Am I Momma?? Am I Momma Still??

Am I Momma?? Am I Momma still??

I sit in the dark, blank; just an empty slate with nothing on it.

Here I am, waiting patiently for somebody to come downstairs and turn on the light,

And to turn on the switch inside my head.

Will anyone please see me?? I am here… please somebody, please see me!

I lost the ability and know-how to flip my switch to on awhile ago… this switch to turn myself on,

So, the lights inside my head will shine so others can see me & so I’ll know where I am.

This is Mom, a weather observer in the US Air Force... she was good at predicting the weather.
Momma had a bright mind before Alzheimer's disease stole it all from her.

Alzheimer's Disease Came One Day & Stole it All from Momma

Alzheimer’s disease visited me one day and decided on a permanent stay, gifting me with forgetfulness & confusion.

But when it happens, what I know disappears into a thick pea soup fog, rendering me useless;

Only I don’t know that I don’t know, as my mind muddles like thick mud & I end up befuddled.

Never aware when this occurs, I go totally blank and become an endlessly blank shell… totally empty.

I apologize because I know it happens and it embarrasses me, also making me feel ashamed.

And I know I’m nowhere near what I once was, making me feel sorry for my loved ones as they endure this.

Mom was bright and loved life.
See Momma smile as she raised her family when life was good.

Befuddled Remembering Bits & Pieces

Sometimes bits and pieces of different events flood my feeble mind, so I put them all together into one.

I fill in the Swiss cheese holes that remain with vast imaginations still left inside my head.

The only thing is, I believe it all is real & this hobbled together reality of bits & pieces become my new reality.

Don’t argue this, or anything with me because you won’t win… I won’t let you win because I said so.

My new logic is illogic… only thing is, I don’t know that. I don’t know what is real and what isn’t.

My version is the only real version to me… over and over and over…

My sweet momma as she turned 80 on her birthday.
Momma wore her tiara proudly on her 80th birthday, before Alzheimer's stole it all from her.

Momma Deep in the Engulfing Sea of Forgetfulness

I move things around and forget where they are and put them in inane places, but move them I must.

Also, I keep forgetting what you just told me 50 times or what I just told you 50 times 50.

It is all new to me each time I hear it, as my mind is often an empty shell with nothing in it

Except one big, continuous, never-ending blank… infinite nothingness, if you will.

So, in my blank shell, inside and out, who knows what I’m thinking… or if I think at all.

So, what was that you were just telling me?? Did you say something to me?? I anyone there??

Written by Trease L Carpenter on 21 February 2014

Four generations together in one last photo with Momma. She was the victim of Alzheimer's disease.
Momma with Pagie, Lil Bit and me... our last photo taken the first and only time Lit Bit met Granny Page. Alzheimer's bites.

This poem was written on 2-9-2014, after Momma came for a visit in December 2013, before I wrote Momma’s Song on 7-13-2017. Momma spent Christmas 2013 with my husband, our kids, one of my brothers and me. It was one of the best Christmases ever!

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